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Locked In: The Will to Survive and the Resolve to Live, by Victoria Arlen
Download Ebook Locked In: The Will to Survive and the Resolve to Live, by Victoria Arlen
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About the Author
Victoria Arlen’s life drastically changed in 2006 when she developed two rare conditions known as Transverse Myelitis and Acute Disseminated Encephalomyelitis. In 2010 after almost four years, she began the fight back to life, learning how to speak, eat, and move all over again. She not only recovered, but she has since become an accomplished motivational speaker, actress, model, and swimmer. She has won three Silver medals and a Gold medal for swimming from the London 2012 Paralympic Games and has broken multiple World, American, and Pan American records. In April 2015, she joined ESPN as one of the youngest on-air talents hired by the company, reporting for espnW, X Games, and Sportscenter across all platforms. She has become world famous not only for her story and accomplishments, but for her message, “Face It, Embrace It, Defy It, Conquer It.” She is the author of Locked In.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Locked In 1 HOW DID I GET HERE? January 2009 I hear commotion in the darkness. I gasp for air, but I feel like I’m drowning. A strong pressure crushes my chest, forcing my lungs to contract against my will. Air! I need air! I need to breathe! Somebody, please help me! Machines urgently ping. Panicked voices shout all around me. Suddenly, bright light blinds me as I struggle to grab whatever is down my throat. I realize my arms are strapped down and can’t move. Multiple hands hold down my convulsing body, and my bed is being quickly pushed through a white-walled hallway at an alarmingly fast speed. “You are okay, Victoria,” I hear over and over again. I’m confused. All I can think is BREATHE! And then, I plunge again into total darkness. • • • My eyes open to searing bright light, and I hear a loud, screeching noise. My body begins to shake uncontrollably, and a painful electricity surges through my body, causing it to convulse and thrash about. I see strangers running into the room, yelling. Their voices sound scared; their hands push me down. As the seizure subsides, I try to get my bearings. Where am I? Brightly colored balloons are tied to my bed, and several stuffed animals are around the room. My vision is blurry, but as I focus my eyes, I see cheery cards and posters on the wall, saying, “We love you. Get well. We miss you. Stay strong.” Why would anyone say they miss me? Where have I been? Get well? Stay strong? What’s wrong with me? I feel fine. I don’t get it. Where am I? What is going on? Am I in the hospital? Why? How long have I been out of it? I hear my mom in the background. Surely, she can tell me what’s going on. “Mom, Mom!” I shout, but she doesn’t react. HELLO! Why can’t she hear me?! Can anyone hear me? I quickly realize I have no control of my body, not even my eyes. I can see, but only what’s directly in front of me. When I try to sit up, I feel disconnected from my body. I can’t move or make any sound. I am literally locked inside my own body. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening! Help! Somebody, please help me! My heart races and my head spins. I try to make sense of what’s going on. I have so many questions. What year is it? I think, 2006? But I’m not certain. How long have I been here? I hope not long. What happened? My memory is fuzzy. Am I going to be okay? I’m not sure. I’m overcome with panic. I want to scream for help. I try to calm down, but that only makes things worse. I’m lost and confused. Why won’t someone just please tell me what is going on. I’m scared. I’m really, really scared. I can’t move a single muscle. No matter how hard I try to scream for help, nothing comes out. I want to breathe and scream and speak. I have so many questions, and I have no memory of how I got here. I gotta get outta here! Help! Somebody, help! Claustrophobia creeps in, and my panic escalates. I have to find something—anything—to keep my brain sane and ease the panic that’s overtaking me. Think, Victoria. Wait . . . You can think— clear as day. My body refuses to function, but my brain is somehow operating normally. Completely normally. How can this be? My brain. My memories. My knowledge. It’s all here. You’re still here, Victoria. You’re still you. My mind is the only reassurance and calm I have. It is the only thing I can control. And then it dawns on me that my ability to think is the most important function of all. The thought of literally losing my mind is beyond terrifying. Thankfully, I can think and understand. Sanity check . . . Okay . . . My name is Victoria Arlen. I am the daughter of Larry and Jacqueline Arlen. My brothers are LJ, William, and Cameron. I enjoy swimming, dancing, and hockey. I love my fluffy dog, Jasmine. My favorite color is pink. Okay, let’s make it a little more challenging: What’s two plus two? Four. Four times four? Sixteen. You’re good, Victoria. Your brain is okay. Thank you, God. I have my mind and my memories, and as far as I know, I have my sanity. I’m still here—I remind myself of that over and over again. But, how did I get here? Nothing comes to mind. I remember an absolutely excruciating head pain, and I remember being rushed into an ambulance, and then everything goes dark. Now, I’m alive and can think. But I have no memory of how I got here or why I can’t move or talk. I try so hard to remember. Think, Victoria. Remember. When I try to think back before the headaches and the seizures, all I can remember is being healthy. I’d always been healthy. In fact, I was probably the healthiest of the Arlen bunch (although we were a relatively healthy family). I’d always had a crazy amount of energy and would go and go and go until my mum made me go to bed. I craved adventure and always allowed my imagination to go for miles and miles. I loved running around with my brothers, and I played every sport my parents would allow. There were never enough hours in the day to do all I wanted to do. Even then, I’d wanted to change the world and make a difference. How could I lose all of that? How could the girl who could do everything not even be able to wiggle a finger? I keep forcing myself to think. Since I can’t work any other muscle in my body, I might as well use the one that works, my brain. I remember back to the summer before fifth grade, when I was ten. My mummy took me to the doctor with what seemed to be a bug bite in my left ear. The doctor hadn’t been concerned about it, but then I started getting ear infections, which continued throughout the entire summer. The doctors diagnosed me with swimmer’s ear, but that didn’t make sense because I had swum for years without any problems. I remember that I’d developed asthma in the fall. Then, I had several rounds of pneumonia alternating with what the doctor called the “flu.” These episodes often included fainting spells. It seemed I’d have one or two good weeks, but then I’d come down with something. I still did well in school and sports, but somehow, as my mummy would say, “it was as if the stars were misaligned.” But no one was too awfully concerned because I always bounced back and went back to my normal routine. But about a year later, on April 29, 2006, I do not bounce back . . .
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Product details
Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: Howard Books (August 28, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1501174622
ISBN-13: 978-1501174629
Product Dimensions:
6 x 1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.3 out of 5 stars
28 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#129,861 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Victoria Arlen's story is an amazing one of illness, misdiagnosis, abuse, coma, locked in syndrome, recovery, and achieving fame as a Paralympic athlete, ESPN correspondent, and Dancing With the Stars competitor, all by the age of 25. She states towards the end of the book that writing in her own voice with no outside influence was a very important part of her recovery from the trauma she endured, not only from her illness itself, but at the hands of abusive medical personnel who believed she was faking her symptoms to get attention. Unfortunately, her lack of experience as a writer results in lengthy, confusing passages where she changes from past to present narrative in the same paragraph and sometimes even the same sentence. At times she was very repetItive and at other times she skipped over details I would have liked to hear more about. (I would have liked more details about how she learned to walk.) I hope that later, when she has achieved even more in her life, which I have no doubt she will, she will allow an editor or co-writer to help her tell her story in a way that will be more readable and inspiring.
My typical interests in reading are science-fiction and fantasy novels putting this novel well out of my ordinary area of interests. I am not someone into sports but became interested in Victoria’s story after reading an article about her overcoming being trapped in a lock-in state and wanted to understand what she went through and how she avoided giving up hope.The book is very much a page turner, I finished it within one day and could not put it down (this says a lot especially considering how far it is outside of my normal interests). Her writing style is simple enough that a younger reader can go through it, yet it gets everything it needs to across for an older reader to very much still appreciate what she went through.There are many gut-wrenching parts in the first half of the book; she had to endure much more than just the locked-in state but also a great deal of mistreatment from medical staff both before and during her lock-in state who were convinced she was faking it and treated her cruelly to get her to snap out of it. The level of mistreatment she endured was enough to leave her with PTSD and makes it hard to recommend her book to a reader below an 8th grade reader level. It is very scary to think that she had to go through that at such an age, I hope her book prevents others from having her experience.The book is overall uplifting although not without many punches along the way her ordeals certainly did not end after getting out of the locked in state but thankfully were nowhere near as bad as what she went through before. Her family, determination, and Christian faith played major roles in helping her to endure and eventually thrive.I recently did a complete reading of the Bible which I had hoped would strengthen my own faith, but left me feeling a bit empty, her faith and reminders of that faith have helped strengthen mine and given me a deeper appreciation for the Bible. Her book is one I strongly recommend and has helped give me strengthened hope and will during a difficult period in my life.
I absolutely hate reading!! I barely made it out of high school English class! However, after watching Victoria on DWTS and learning about her incredible journey, when she announced her book I though ok, “I’ll get it, probably make it 1/3 through and loose interest like everything else.†I pre ordered it before it was even released. When it arrived on release day I sat down and started reading/listening to it as soon as I got home from work. (I had both hard copy and audible) I read for 2.5 hours straight before it was so late I needed to go to bed! The next morning I continued to listen to it on my way to work and my way home that evening. When I came home I sat down and went straight back to reading! This book is incredible!!! Her story is so incredibly inspiring, and heartbreaking, and powerful! Defiantly gives you all the feels!!Victoria, I thank you! You have truly impacted my life in a way I didn’t know was possible!Thank you!!
This is the true story of a paraolympic swimmer and former contestant on Dancing with the Stars. Victoria found herself locked “inside herself “ with two immunodeficiency diseases for several years as a tween and teen. During this time people thought she was faking her illness or looking for attention. Having been bullied in a similar way from having PTSD, I understand her frustration. Victoria never gave up and went from using a wheelchair and being paralyzed to dancing! A very inspirational story.
I love this author. I am so happy that she has done so well and I loved watching her on Dancing With The Stars. And this book is well written. But I, myself, have been a nurse for over 33 years and still going. I also have been diagnosed with a rare, unknown disease, which is why I bought the book in the first place. And in all my practice, from a new nurse on a neuro floor, to now a disease management nurse working from home, I have NEVER witnessed a healthcare worker treat a patient the way she says she was treated. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I've just never seen it and I've seen A LOT of things. I've seen the nurse who was less than compassionate. The lazy nurse. The neglectful nurse. But I have never seen anyone go out of their way to be unkind to a patient, conscious or not. I've had many unconscious patients and they have always been treated with at least respect. I hope Victoria continues to flourish.
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